Playing "House"

When we were young we always play House.

I will always be the "baby", my cousin yann will always be the father and the rest will be teacher, student, mother, bus driver and groocery man.

I take my hats off to full-time housewives or homemakers as some my like to call themselves.

for me, it is pathatic to be waiting for your husband to return home, for your children to return home and to wait on them. pathatic is the wrong word to use because this is a great sacrifice and an act of spousal and motherly love which is one great love and i should not put it at that level but it was how i felt.

Enough about eating home cooked food for all its goodness.

I realise the good effects of home-made food and it is good. the only thing i could not get used to is that it is full-time work. for the 2 weeks i stayed at home, a typical day would be morning breakfast bread and butter with my hot coffee and my ever favourite The Straits Times. Then it is out to the market for some ribs and spices, veggies and eggs. then come the thawing, peeling, shelling, soaking, cutting, and this is just preparation! take a break, dare skip lunch. come 4pm, start boiling soup-of-the-night. start at 3 if you want a really good soup in all its glory. After the cooking, there is the washing! and the packing off utensils back to the racks so as not to clutter the drying rack. Not forgetting the mopping of floors to rid any grease. Floors in pural cos it includes the kitchen and living room as my flat is small.

I am just wondering if ever a housewife cooks and does so much and all the husband does is to either gobble the food or worse, critise the cooking. that will be just sad.

after some thinking, i think it is cheaper to eat out. cos there is the electricity for the stoves and cookers, plus the water bill for all the washing and cleaning.

Still, the goodness of home-cooked food for all its nutrients, less monosodium carbonate, lard and salt.

You know, the food at most of our foodcourts are souless nowadays.

soul-less, cooked without passion, without pride, without love, without soul.

the ingredients are mass produced, the cooking is systematic like factory-line and most of the time, i am left thirsty after eating.

gone are the days where we had the street fare and wholesome dishes.

I hope i can hang on to cooking, at least on the weekends and at least for myself.

Brendan for one always tells me it is too much work to cook, but for now, he leaves it to me.

The good thing is that my soups are good!

Of course they are, they are with so much ingredients and cooked in clay pot over hours.

So far, I only know of the few flavours- Sichuan with tomatoe, potatoe & carrots, ground nuts & garlic, etc. all with good pork ribs. Herbal chicken soup. Corn in clobs.

I learnt stir fry choy sim / spinnach with mushroom, black fungus, beancurd skin, with regular onion & garlic. Pig trotter in vinegar & ginger. best!

The end. this is the end of what i know to cook! help! what else?!

Birthday came early

For those of you who have just logged in, you will probably feel that i am having verbal diahorrea, suddenly having a flood of entries. well, enjoy it while it lasts cos i am contemplating of ceasing blogging. honestly, i am a very private person and the initial intention of having this blog was for me to be my real self, like talking to the world of strangers out there whom will not judge me. where i can be melacholic and express my angst and psycho thoughts, be idealistic. the truth be told, i do not let myself into people's heart.

i have a problem. i could love and accept most people but i kind of do not allow them to really know me. I give but i do not receive. why? why oh why? i have so much insecurities, i think i that if people really know me, will soon discover that i am stupid. how warpped can this be. look at me, i am good at so many things but i keep picking on myself on my weaknesses. i am self-critical and i am afraid people will be like this. this is my problem and i will have to deal with it in my own terms. i thought about ceasing because more people are reading and they are caring. how can this be bad? i dont know.

so, anyway, we'll see about it.

Birthday came early.

Like i told you before, every year, i break the piggy bank and count the gold nuggets which will be the money for my birthday.

this year, i have yet to do the counting cos it is only the beginning of november and my BD is 3 weeks away. but i have been toying with the idea of getting a lap top for a while and finally get into action. First, thanks to Val for telling me about the flexi max-on-line scheme which is just brilliant for me. I just pay $7.50 for 3 days broadband connection and the rest of the time, i could check-in to my hotmail and Brendan to his yahoo for free. the main draw was that Bren could now do the CPF e-submission for his friend's business at home. I hated it when he had to borrow my office's PC because my conscience says it is wrong. And i hated it cos he was doing for a friend and he is always so damn helpful at a cost and i love-hate him for that. i keep telling him, if your friend runs a business, he jolly well invest in infrastructure like PC and stuff cos these are the basics of a buiness. then he would counter me and tell me that the friend's business is a traditional hands-on one and it is barely making money and has no extra for infrastructure like PCs. we will have a short arguement and i will relent and let him use the PC and feel very uncomfortable about it. so now, it is good that he can help his friend and my conscience is crystal clear and i can love him for that. hahah.

Conscience is a very funny thing, it will haunt and keep you in jail if you dont answer its calling.

So anyway, i decided to buy this lap top mainly because of that and also for myself.

like i told Val, i am a laggard when it comes to IT. i only know the few things like microsoft office and dabble a little here and there but i am never the first-in-line to own the latest gadgets like the best lap tops or digital cameras. I am also quite a sucker, like i am biaised with Dell and i just liked its direct sales strategy where i can order it on the phone, choose the upgrades and have it delivered to my door. Taa-daa! it is like Santa leaves you your present at your door. Santa-Dell.

ok, back to my BD. this lap top will not count as my BD present because i wanted it more for my husband. so it doesn't count. right?

Plus, i have not opened my piggy bank and i am not using it to pay for the lap top.

so we have to wait and see if i have any urge to get myself a real present.

in all tradition, i have always taken leave from work on my BD.

i feel that i should just go enjoy the day.

this year, i hope to have dinner together with Val at the Italian restaurant at Holland V. with brendan of course, the three of us. if PW was in town will be good too. and my sis, i got to ask if she's free.

akan datang... coming to a theatre near you.

Sneak-out

Last Sunday, i sneaked out of the house for a break as i was so bored of being at home for a week. I need the shallow things, i need fashion, i need to see people, i need to spend money, i just needed a walk but not in the park. please dont tell me that.

Boy, was i tired.

My body was just recovering and it probably needed more rest that i realised.

I just did window shopping from Isetan Lido, across to Tangs and then to Takashimaya and I was dead tired. I realised there was a strain in one of the veins on my thigh and it was probably due to my miscarriage. so i walked very slowly, like limping. You probably think that i must be crazy and for those who know me will know that i am.

I made an about turn and headed back home after reaching Taka.

Firstly, i was really tiring out and secondly, look at the madness, look at the crowd!

If you can count, i think there probably are thousands of people, and this is just the podium,

at the square. dont even look at the cashiers.

I can never be like these people, shopping like this is a major turn-off. puts me off right away.

then again, i needed to see the hustling and buzzling alive. i am a city folk and i will always need the city to feed me some energy and zest. this is me.

I shopped for a birthday present for sis but i was not satisfied with any.

I wanted to buy her a Coach bag but it was $945. wow, that is like one thousand dollar$.

hummm,,, that got to wait a while.

I would love to splurge on something like that. Expensive bags and diamond earrings.

I mean, there are people buying them like ordinary stuff, day in, day out. and for me, it would be some quality thing that i would use for some years and that is reasonable, wouldnt it be?

So, with a new mindset, i went to check out all the expensive stuff i wanna buy. the Loewe bags and diamonds at the cheaper joints like SK jewllery.

One day i am going to buy some of them.

and i wanna buy them for my sis, my cousins and my friends.

that will make me very happy.

well, if i can satisfy myself in body, mind and soul, i should also allow myself to be satisfied with material. this is no different.

The ‘M” word.

At first, I avoided using the word. I would rather give a lengthy description like
“the body voluntarily expels the tissue from the uterus”
which is what the doctor said in medical term.

In layman term, the word is “miscarriage”.

I thought I shouldn’t give that word such power over me. It is no big deal I said.
Aunt Ai Ling had a miscarriage, aunt Elsie also, my mom too, when she overstrained at work some twenty years ago. Giles’ wife-Alice, and more recently, Brendan’s brother’s wife, plus my cousin-in-law- Jessica, all had gone through the unfortunate experience.
And these are only the people I know.
But I soon realize that by refusing to acknowledge the word, I was in denial and was not coming to term with it.

I had a miscarriage two weeks ago on a Saturday night, past eleven to midnight.
I wonder why didn’t the doctor pre-empt me about the pain and what to expect.
The cramps came and lasted 3 hours which I eventually relented and went to the hospital after enduring the last hour of pain and breaking in cold sweat.
Why did the doctor say to expect just a week of light bleeding and did not say anything about the “tissue”, as they term it, being expelled in a chunk.

I was given two weeks leave to be resting at home.

In western medicine, you only need to rest, eat a balanced meal. There is no such thing as no drinking of plain water or chilled water for that matter.

I went to the Chinese “Sin-say” (physician) for treatment with the TCM way.
Sin-say said that the womb was weak, hence embryo were not likely to flourish, plus the “Qi” (breath) was weak and circulation poor. He prescribed some herbs for brewing and I asked if he will see me on a monthly basis to help restore my health.
He is an old man and I could sense his compassion when he said, -- “Sure, come back, take care, and in future, this will not happen.”

My friends were appalled that I was drinking plain water and that I wasn’t putting on long pants and sweaters. They were appalled that I washed my hair and did the dishes. They were appalled that I was going back to work. They were sorry I went to do marketing and had to cook for myself cos I had no help. I wasn’t sorry for myself. I could do it on my own, I don’t see the fuss except there was a little strain walking back with the heavy grocery, but I am fine. I have never been someone who will think that I should lay back and be taken care of. I am harden and do not think that it is bad.

Why are you doing this? – Val asked me when I told her I will just go back to work for a couple of hours 3 times a week.

Ya, why?

I did a lot of refection with the new-found time I have confined at home.

This is a big wake-up call.

I cried watching the movie “Click” on HBO

You wonder why, it was a comedy isn’t it?

Adam Sandler was as an executive architect, working long hours, always putting off dates for his children, holidays for his family and was always aiming for the next promotion, or, to complete the next project and yet another promotion. His priority was to “get there” (get to the top of the corporate ladder) so that he can then take things at a slower pace and have time and money for his family, which is his love.

On his birthday, he was presented with a Universal Remote Control that could let him have control of time. He could pause a scene, forward or rewind. He could set time in auto-pilot mode where he could just live through his life without the mental focus or being mentally present. This way, he was able to reach his corporate goals.

But time flew by and before he realized, he was old. Like 60 yrs old.

His children had grown up and he has become a stranger, his wife divorced him as he was emotionally absent most of the time, and he was most regretful that his father passed on and he wasn’t there.

He had a heart attack at his son’s wedding and he was at the hospital, deathbed. His son visited him and told him that he would cancel his honeymoon as there was some business meeting that came up which he had to take care. The son repeated what was drilled upon him, “Business comes first”.

“Business comes first, dad” he said to him while leaving the room.

No, no no., Adam tried to say. No, son, no.

But the son couldn’t hear him under all the breathing tubes.

He was desperate to correct the son. He pulled off all the tubes on him, ran out of the building under the pouring rain and risking his last breath, called out to the son.
Desperately he called out to him.

“Family first,,,,, family first”….

Of course this is drama but it drummed home to me that I should never loose sight of what is important in my life.
The regret of putting off little things that eventually hit back on me. The regret of neglecting my health in my process of pushing myself to the limit.
Prolonged neglect and the ignorance of thinking I was invincible. Thinking work comes first and letting sloth take over. Sloth in taking care of my health. Knowing what to do but succumbing to laziness and taking myself out or allowing myself to be talked-out, is plain laziness.

I was bitter that I had so much fear in me and I was not living my life as magnificently as I know I could. I was not free.

For one ounce of insecurity I had, I compensated with one pound of work.
I prided myself with my work achievements, the sales, the figures and results.

What was I doing?

Great job.

But it does not have to be at the expense of my health or of my family.

I had lost the balance and the fall was painful.

So now, I learn.

I learn about my own demons. My fear, my insecurities, the pretence of strength when it was brute. The camouflage of satisfaction. I learn about the depth of my unhealthy-tolerance, the weakness of my mind to be unwisely persuaded. I learn about the long term effects of relenting to the ease of things, to short-cuts.

There is no use crying over spilt milk. I can only be grateful that I learnt now.

Like Adam, the second chance is now.

No Babe.

I am very sad that my pregnancy did not develop further.

The doctor said there was no embryo. there was only a sac and there was no embryo inside.

So for now, my body will automatically discharge whatever little cells that were formed in the past few weeks.

I did not have exceptionally high expectations with this episode but it was surely heart-breaking. I read that it is fairly common and many women go on to have successful pregnancies later on. whatever it is, I just have to take the good, the bad, with a good attitude.

Nonetheless, everyone is encouraging. you know,, take care of your body now and try again, etc.

Ya, i know. ok. dont worry, i am accepting what i cannot control.

my cousin said that i should take heart to know that nature is like this, cells that are not so good to begin with will not develop.

ok, i will take heart to it.

so ladies & gentlemen, this is life.

Broke Back Stools

I wanted to title this entry as "love is in the air" but i thought it is too cheesy.

I love it when i could feel & see the "love" in the air.

the energy is dense enough for me to feel it literally.

i was at a BBQ dinner at a client's place. both my boss and i were invited.

when we got there, many people were already having second or third helpings and they were all relaxed and cool. the part i liked most was that i could feel the friendship they had for each other. you know, just plainly joking and chatting and making each other at home with food and drinks. i dont know why but i could feel that these people truly liked each other.

the whole relation was a business one, our client invited a few vendors for BBQ.

but it was more of a friendly gathering rather than a corporate one.

for i learnt, these people has known each other for over 30 yrs, mostly over 10 yrs.

i am among the new-kid-on-the-block and i belong with just a handful of new buyers who are also new at their jobs. so in a way, there is the 3rd generation, which is us.

it was all nice and i really liked it.

my HQ office CEO cooked a few dishes and brought to the party.

that includes the delicious chilli crab, which she explained to us the lengthy procedure of making the paste. i said we only know to eat. haha.

not forgetting her ever famous fish ball soup and the curry chicken that i didnt taste.

i guess any dish made with love is really impactful. simple but impressionable.

no wonder there's a saying "to win a man's heart is through his stomach" (appetite)

i always tell my husband, when we move to a bigger flat, i am going to cook and bake.

i wish for the day to come.

i was too excited to really eat. i only had bee hoon, one piece of crab and one stick of lamp.

excited because i was too conscious! all eyes was on me and some of the people joked that they thought i was my boss' phillipino girlfriend. (he is known to have many girlfriends and only likes phillipinos)

so anyway, i was a LOUSY conversationalist, if i ever did talk at all.

i sat beside a few people and we kept quiet the whole time.

i am terrible!

i am a bimbo!

terrible. all i did was to answer politely and nothing else. smile a bit. terrible.

there was this lady, she is the hairdresser of my CEO and she always joins the parties.

she is so bubbly and cheerful, joked and laughed a lot. heartily.

i wished i could be lighthearted too.

i bought a book that says "92 ways to make small talks" and i have not gone through 10pages.

terrible.

painfully shy.

"how could it be?" you think

i don't know.

oh, ok, broke-back stools.

you see those red stools in the picture above?

five people fell off their bumps and landed on the floor.

five or more almost did.

we joked that those were not "toyogo" brand, hence not hardy.

it was a night of laughter, though i thought it is not funny really, to fall off the seat. it could be dangerous.

so anyway, i learnt that beyond the surface of business and work,

what made the business successful is the friendship-engine that generates helpfulness, co-operation, loyalty and love that keep the business going fine.

i am glad and honoured to be in the circle and i sure think i've earned it!

=)

The Profundity I Observed From Sudoku

i know the craze has fizzled out for most who were once hooked on Sudoku and i have only just begun.

i thought the "beginner" level was easy, boy was i wrong!

i gave up on the second puzzle and skipped to the third.

but i realised that i will get nowhere if i continue with my strategy which was not useful.

so i read the tips given in front.

i saw the tips the first instance, but i thought i could do it on my own since there is no rule with this game.

nonetheless, the tips helpped a lot. the one point i have learnt which was most useful is that "there is no need to guess". that means each time you pencil your answer into the cube, it should be a "sure" answer. you can always derive the sure answer by scanning, logic, elimination & deduction. if the answer has not been clear, move to other cubes and come back to it later.

sometimes, the simpliest pointer could be the one that makes the whole difference.

i think this strategy is profound.

sometimes, we attempt too many things at one time, and the more "uncertain" things we put into our lives, the more we are doom for error. it could get so confusing that you have to back-track to undo some actions or change them. you will soon realise that one back-track change must lead to another as the whole picture is interlinked.

on the other hand, if you had put in a "sure" action, meaning, you are firm with your decision and you will live with it, the less back-tracking you have to do.

of course there will be times you may make a wrong decision, give a wrong answer due to wrong assessment and deduced wrongly because of lack of information or lack of check-points,, it is fine. it is just an experience. your life is an experience.

weekend at Hat Yai

Hat Yai to me, feels like Malaysia,, the buildings, streets and shopping malls are similar.
Prices are relatively cheaper.
S$100 = Thai Baht $2,270
T-shirts on the street cost $100-200baht (S$4.40 to $8.80)
good quality T-shirts at shopping malls cost around S$12.70
Seafood meal / sharks fin / crab / etc S$70 for 4 pax

I had spent only $500 on shopping.
but i always feel that i end up with very little things.

Perhaps it's because 70% of the things i buy are for others.
i will always want to buy for my cousins, my sis and my freind's children.

This time, i make a point to buy more stuff for myself.

example:
i bought 6 boxes of disney biscuits and intend to keep 3.
2 bottles of wrigley's chewing gum, 1 for myself, the other,, either my sis or val.
loomp-chiam-pass, see who gets it. (i think whoever comes to my place earlier will get it)

so anyway, here are some presents:-

I had McDonald's happy meal to get this hello-kitty toy for cousin hong jing,
bought an addidas a football jersey for bing lun & lip gloss kit for zhi ting.

Bought a furry-beady pair of slippers for myself,
2 dainty looking purses for myself and sis.
i like the design BUT there is an "anna sui" plate on it,,,, i am not gonna carry it!
i always say, don't use counterfeit stuff, don't!
the thing is,,, there isn't such a design or purse from anna sui!
so, i really dont know what is happening. i should get a nice brooch to pin over the tag.

Bra, glorious bra. my colleagues insisted i buy the maternity bras which they claim is "dirt cheap" and is selling like 5 times more back home.
anyway, i bought a few new bras cos the ones i have are getting small!

bought Enfant panties for joo joo
some sports bra for charmaine
2 mickey tog bags for chrystal & marilyn each
some T-shirts for my colleagues
and! shampoo for myself
not forgetting numerous body butter, face mask & body wash.

Hat Yai (pictures)

Hat Yai (1)

Hat Yai (2)

Positive

Dear Friends & Family,

We are expecting a baby!

Yes! we are very happy. Thank you.

Do I sound happy? I am but it is not written all over my face.

You see, i am a little worried, not to mention quite tired sometimes in the afternoon as well as feeling sleepy rather early in the night. i normally sleep at midnight but i am now sleepy at 8 or 9...

I had gone to the gynea for a check last week but the embryo did not show in the scan.

Doctor said that this is probably because i am only 4 weeks pregnant (not 6 weeks as i thought) and that it is normal that the scan will not show much until 2 more weeks. he said i should not be too concern, and i am trying not to.

so, in the meantime, i am just keeping myself busy with other stuff so that i will not let my thoughts think of unnecessary things. one must always focus on what one wants and not what one doesn't want.

ok, so i am off to "yatai" (Hup Chye) this weekend. i dont quite know how to spell the town,, it is a small town in Thailand. my colleagues and i had booked the air tickets 3 months back and this will be the first visit for 3 of us. jonathan has been there countless times and he will be our tour guide. he told us it is a shopping haven and we will hold him to it.

so, ladies and gentlemen, my life is never gonna be the same again!

cheers!

Phuket

Phuket

Adventure of the White Otah

sometimes, i am amazed by how some seemingly common information is not common knowledge afterall.

let me explain.


Last week, i was quite excited that i came across a stall at the hawker selling the plain, white version of the usual spicy, orange Otah.

I exclaimed to the auntie running the stall : "Oh! Auntie! 你有白色的 Otah!"

(Oh! Auntie, you have plain whilte Otah!")

she looked at me quizzed but i was too excited to say anything else.

i happily bought 2 and wolffed them down for old times' sake.

it has been at least 10 years since i ate a plain otah and the memory of its taste is better than the real thing.

they were not as nice or tasty as the spicy ones that are more popular.

maybe that's why the plain ones are less produced.

i thought i was silly enough until i told val about the white otah and she never even knew it existed.

1 in 10 people i surveyed didn't know there is the plain otah.

okay. before you say anything, i got to tell you about the "Bra Extension"

val & i went to the market and she visited the Bra stall to get a Bra Extension Band for her mommy.


bra extension band??


i have never heard of such a thing.


she explained, it is for people whose body torso are quite big and need to extend the circumference of the bra so that it will not be too tight.


!!!??


i asked the auntie at the stall

"auntie, 这个东西已经卖了很久吗?"
(means: auntie, has this product been on sale a long time?")


the auntie didnt quite know how to answer but she said the product has been around for a long time. (probably as long as the existence of the Bra?)



4 in 10 people i surveyed didn't know the existence of a bra extension band.

so what does this means?


nothing serious obviously, but what im trying to say is that we could never take for granted what we thought is commonly known and expect that everyone would know about it.


we should always communicate, communicate and communicate.


the above is just a case of some minor daily-life normality and we already are not having common knowledge,, what more about more complicated things like environment, politics, emotions, work, etc.

don't you think so?

my toy friend

adeline is the only other person i know who frequently buys toys for herself just because she fancies it.

i had been keeping with me her birthday present since april till august when i finally got to meet up with her last friday. on the contrary, she showered me with more gifts that i have given her.

here's what i've received:-

a wind-mill pencil

a disco-ball key chain made from a pair of earrings

2 wooden fridge magnets wiht faces of an ox and a rat

1 lion figured lock &

a collage

i like the collage best. adeline is an insightful person and she has a nick and an eye for quotes and words of wisdom from people she reads about. she could put together very moving collages and i really liked them a lot.

she is the only friend whom shares with me the likings of witches, vampires, warewolves and she perpetually has black kohl on her eyes, not to mention perpetually in black. it is already a trademark of hers since i know her in 1998. gosh, it is nine years already?

she is the only person who will send me a postcard welcoming me home after i've confided in her that i was afraid i will never return from japan and my plane will crash and i will perish.

so you see, she is probably the few other persons who pamper my wild thoughts and sooth me.

what a friend indeed.

Thou Shall Not Complain

Today, I renewed my outlook on work.

Thou Shall Not Complain

It has been some time since i was overly stressed with work.
I discovered that I had over-identifed with my work and I will now put in concious effort to be in-charge of my life.

At the back of my head, I know what I should or should not do but the daily demand from me has clouded my wisdom & judgement. I even said that I finally know how a person becomes a Grouch.

So, now, I have stopped complaining about being over-worked and started with the following:-

Prioritize
not just prioritize my work but prioritize my life
If catching up with old friends is important, i will go ahead and meet them regardless.

If having one-hour lunch break is important, i will eat, relax and blog as long as i feel that i need the break.

If going home at 6 is important to me, i will go, and won't worry about the demanding tasks that are outstanding.

If the outstanding tasks are important, i will complete them without being unhappy.

Don't blame my boss
If i have told him i am over-loaded and the work continues to come, i will dismiss the over-flown and only handle those pressing or important ones according to my judgement.

As long as i know i have done a great job, i will not be concerned about how he will judge me.

I am already a star performer whether i do the hundred other tasks or not.

Decision
I have decided that i am good enough and i am much more than what my boss have bargained for. period.

you know, it is important to be aware of ourselves, our outlook and our stress level.
people says that old habits die hard but i say that old habits die hard only if there are no new habits to take their places. in our bodies, new cells replaces old ones. we only die when there are no new cells generated. It is not easy to break a habit but it can be done. so, i will not be intoxicated with grievances about work because my life is much more than work. i consume the work, not the other way around.

=)

Geylang

you know, once in a while, i go property hunting,, ie, meet agents or owners and view their apartments and sometimes show flats too.

this is just because my friend PW, bren & i have pledged ourselves to make ourselves rich by investing in property. in fact, we started our project some 3 years ago. but we have yet to make a deal, always due to some missing factors. we came close but have not had our maiden break.
nonetheless, we have been consistent with our efforts to be on the go, to put ourselves out there and get our feet working, view the houses, work our sums, etc. this is just preparation work which we believe will get us ready for the chances coming. in fact, i can shameless tell you that we have formed a club called "club eleven" for the sole purpose of dedicating ourselves to being enlightened millionaires. gosh, i cant believe i am telling you this. haha. it happened after i read the book "one minute millionaire" and we are in-the-works if you ask me.

so what's has this got to do with the pictures above? you ask.

ok, we are now eyeing on this property that is located at geylang. details aside, this unit is currently an artist's studio and we also met the few in-house artists who where there. they are interesting people and i must say creative work takes more discipline that what a lay person may understand. like this master-of-brush artist,, you know, the whole package comes with time and devotion, from qi-kong to meditation, to many preparation work behind the scence before the final work, that is physically painting the piece of art.

the second artist is a new yorker (born in singapore) but made good & gained fame in new york. anyway, he says he wants to paint geylang before it disappears. i guess we will never fully appreciate what we see day in, day out, until it is whoosh, revamped and retrofitted and then we say, oh, it was better the last time. and then nag about how our culture is lost. he was just telling us how he wants to capture the sights before it vanishes.

i really enjoyed the day. we spent the whole afternoon at the studio and the whole night talking to PW. i missed doing this and i realised that for a long time since i've worked here, i had not enjoyed a weekend this much.

i toyed with the idea to ask the brush master artist to tutor me.
we had great chemistry because we engaged with his work at another level.
i should not tell you too much or it will seem occult but it is just good old reiki that we relate to.
i am still toying with the idea of asking him to teach me because it is just too much work and discipline which i am not sure if i can commit. when monday comes, i am transformed back to a stressful worker and i absolutely am frustrated with the situation. i am not sure if i can pull out of this hence am non-committal. but i do day-dream about the ideal life of being an efficient worker at my current job and having a hobby so fine.
hummmmmmmm....... i shall ponder some more and see what comes up for me.

so there you go my friends.

our seventeen years

Jin & Val are my pre-u friends.
they came over last Friday and thumb through 4 or 5 volumes of my photo albums.
i could have more albums if not for the small space i have at home.
they were just wowing about our seventeen years of friendship.
i was never counting because the relationship means more to me than numbers.
anyway, Jin who is back from Taipei, will be changing career course soon.
she is going to switch from creative design work to baking. baking, not banking.
24 months of haitus to come. vermont, she tells us is the home to hersheys & ben & jerry.
i just hope Jin will find her happiness in what she does because i am concern about her.
i dont know,,, perhaps i should not worry about her. i have also made a round about turn in my career and i am doing great. so, yes, i wish she finds joy in what she will be doing. smelling all buttery and sweet. =)

Happy National Day

this morning i was totally embarassed with myself.

caller went:" hello, may i have extension 200"

I went "extension 200? who are you looking for?" (extn 200 is for my boss)

caller: "kann chia"

I went: "kann chia is at extension 203, yes, how can i assist you?"

caller: "i want to speak to kann chia"
(obviously he doesnt know it is me already on the line with him, he thought it was the operator)

I repeated: "i am kann chia, how can i assist you?"

caller: "i want to speak to kann chia"

me: : " i am kann chia how can i assist you?"

then he said:" kann ah? this is david. david ang" (one of the buyers from my anchor account)

silence.

i was flabbergasted.

david: "wah, you so fierce, last night boyfriend never give ar?"

flabbergasted again.

i went: " oi, david, sorry la. i thought who was looking for my boss"

then we went on with work matters and he tried to be nice by cracking some other lame jokes about my boss being bald.

i was totally ashamed of myself.

i think i am pretty rude and impatient when i am engaged. it is like when i am so damn busy already, with thousand and one things on to-do list. like many "important" things, "urgent" things, "urgent & important", "not urgent but important" and "things to be done when there is time" kind of things. so i became crude and abrupt. that is nasty and people are surprised when i am like that. they have told me later that i am fierce. well well, i guess i am and i am sorry to be impatient. *sigh* i am normally not like that!

**************
this year, i didnt watch NDP rally, PM's speech nor watch the maiden NPD parade on water.
it is like there was no NDP for me.
except the fact that i went to esplanade to view tim's design that were displayed at the entrance.
tim is great. (tim is my sis's BF) i do hope that get marry emmmm by 2009.

ok back to ND.

i went to Usha's house on ND.

usha is an indian national from chennai. she lives alone here and is grateful to me for encouraging her to apply for permanent resisdency because she had always thought she would never be successful and i have always told her to try, try & try.

so yes, she is a PR now and she is just glad she has me as a friend.

her brother raju is in town. he is a lecturer at las vegas, business school i think. anyway, he has 3 months worth of summer break and was here. nice guy who travels quite a bit and he prefers malacca to singapore. he feels that the chinese there are more pronounced in the religious practices especially the taoist & buddhist. he feels that the peranakan culture there is also richer.

so anyway, i must tell you something about me.

get ready---

it is not in my nature to socialise.

dont get me wrong, i love many people. more than they know.
i am just not sociable,, like, i dont know how to make small talks, i dont know how to ask abt them and be really interested in what they have to say. and my memory is rather short, i dont remember things and events, my history & geography is poor. so i cant really make small talks or any long conversations mostly.
i rarely go to any form of gathering or home visits if i am not very familiar with the host or the people who will be there.
it is like dragging myself to the gym-- laborious.
BUT, it is like after the gym -- wonderful feeling of content & satisfaction!
what im saying is that i would always feel dread to go any party where i only know the host, or where the host is a new friend whom i dont really know.
but after im done, i am always very happy and glad that i went. becos it would normally be a wonderful PM (my coined phase of "Precious Moment") -- ya, precious moments are events like home visits, BBQ, wine chilling, etc where you really sit down and have a meal or a drink and talk about just anything and get to know each other the way you never get to when you were together. do you understand me? if you attend a gathering and all you did was "oh how are you? fine thank you, oh see you soon, take care, good bye." that is not a PM. at most, it is an event.

ok, so.
i was glad i went to usha's house. she cooked vegetarian dinner. broccoli (spelling?) soup, stir fried noodles with red pepperoni & onions. lastly, diced fruits with ice cream. it was simple and she painstakingly made sure we were ok with the indian spice becos the last time we were at her place, another ex-colleague didnt touch her mom's cooking and was too nice to say anything.

one man's poison is the other man's meat.
so i always respect the fact that we are different.

so, anyway, we finished dinner pleasantly and talked about the volunteer work she does at batam, bringing food to homes on the swamp & slump. i asked to join her the next round.

raju insisted we watch a VCD- Singapore Dreaming and i am glad we did.

although of course not everyone in singapore or every household is typecasted, i am sure we can relate to the theme. it says about a middle aged man whose dream is to win the lottery- TOTO and he would always snip news paper cuttings on codo & sports utility car. he would say that he couldnt endure those perverts who pees in the lift in his HDB block. little does he know that it was his son-in-law peeing in the lift. to irritate him as well as to vent his frustration. the SIL is an ex-army personnel who regertted leaving the army to join "financial planning" selling insurance. everyone in one way or another avoids insurance sales man.
his wife on the other hand, is always commenting and demeaning his job. she sits at the back of the car and the husband becomes the driver or "ahmad" in our local term. most women do not realise that to demean anything about a man is to demean the man.
she is heavily pregnant and worries about not having enough money as the husbands brings in meager pay. plus, her insensitive boss asks her to do everything from coffee to cosoling his wife to tendering on projects to photocopying of document.
she is frustrated becos she is efficient and intelligient but she is a secretary who didnt have a degree not that she couldnt intellectually but that her parents are biaised with gender and her ingrate brother gets to go abroad for tertiary education but not her.
so anyway, the main character - the middle aged man, died of a heart attack after winning the 2million lottery and was about to be recruited into an elite membership.
so came the funeral and it was hinted that the man has a mistress and a young son.
the story ends with the wife of the man giving $1000 to her son, $300,000 to her daughter, some money to the mistress and the rest was to repay debt from sending the son overseas.
she retires in muar- malaysia where she originally came from.

how apt that i watched this on National Day.

wah haha hah.

my conclusion:-
every one has their problems & angst and we should really stop it at us.
dont pass the bug around. dont nag at your husband, dont put down your wife, dont accuse your maid, dont abuse your secretary. just be sensitive to people around you. let the angry bug stop with you.
this will be my Singapore Dream.

amen.